So I read an excerpt from my novel at my writers group Christmas party. In another blog I talk of what necessary lessons I learned in cutting it down to read, but now I want to talk about how i felt really deflated after reading it to a group of 15 people.
I've long wanted to write a great holiday dinner scene. (I even wrote about it before, before I wrote it). I wouldn't say this draft (read it here if you like) has really achieved all I wanted, but I think parts are well executed. So I was a little disheartened by the lack of laughter as I read. But I should remind myself of a few things:
1) I couldn't really expect hearers of that excerpt to get all the nuances of that scene; their appreciation and even understanding of all the nuances are dependent on reading the chapters before. The plot was mostly complete for what I read, but the listeners' knowledge of the characters was missing; they wouldn't know if something was remarkable or out of character for Ash or Ginny; they couldn't know the history with Allen and Thomas and how those characters' conversational comments would have affected others.
2) Perhaps out loud laughter was too much to expect. I have my characters engage in some controversial topics that, while I think humorously reveal their personalities, the topics themselves could be red herrings evoking emotional responses in the listeners that distract them from regarding the topics through the eyes of the characters.
3) It's really not an over-all funny chapter. I meant for some hints of humor, but it really is more about Ginny's constant tension, a building tension, that ends in a fight between her and her husband Ash.
4) This reading wasn't a critique or designed for feedback. It was simply a reading meant to entertain.
But I did feel disheartened after reading it aloud. (We writers are an insecure bunch when we reveal our art...) Sometimes, after spending years and thousands of words, I start to doubt of my plot is worth what I've put into it. I don't want my story to be silly, trite, expected, or ridiculous. I want it to have a message, I want it to keep people guessing and thinking. Sometimes I'm flattened by the sheer weight of the enormity of the project. When you work so isolated on something for so long, you know you lose objectivity and sight of some things that you really need, to keep everything in balance.
Reading made me wonder if I'm going in too many directions with the plot. I have a bit of a gothic thread that I love, but I'm not sure how to carry it through the second half of the novel. I've also got what some would consider just a plain romance thread I've got to solve, and I'm a bit gun-shy. I don't want it to be shallow, cheesy, or unbelievable. It's much easier to break up a marriage than to show people falling in love. I've been going the past few months on the idea that I don't need to know those answers yet. Just write, Renee, I tell myself. I comfort myself knowing that Stephen King waited until the second draft to pull out certain things and then write them more fully through the whole story. I'm hoping I can do that with some themes and symbols.
I'm taking this month off, as far as novel writing goes. (Because I just got too many freelance articles assigned and due, and because it's Christmas.) I hope to return in January, renewed, with a clearer sense about what's really important in my novel, and what to focus on.
Articles in print:
100% Whole Wheat Bread with Honey or Molasses, for a Bread Machine
"Beyond the Gifts: How to get your kids to see past the materialism of the holidays" Smart magazine
Are Schools Expecting Our Kids to Read Too Early?
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